An alcoholic can push the person that loves them away. They only need the alcohol and not you. They can become distant and cold. If you love this person, it can be hard to live with or accept. You have to watch the person move farther away from you while you sit and watch. Soon, you are so far back in line that you feel as if you are all alone with no one in your life. This can happen to even the most loving couples. Alcohol does something to the brain and the body that changes a person. They withdrawal from reality and live in their own little world without you.
Never force yourself on the alcoholic if they do not want to be close to you. If the person you love does not want you, there is nothing you can do to change it. The person is not going to change their mind just because you are trying to make things work. You should never try to be with an alcoholic that does not want anything to do with you. This can anger them and makes things unpleasant for both of you. You have to keep your distance and if they want you near, they will tell you. The hardest part is waiting.
Ask for help from a counselor or from a support group. You will start to feel all alone and you need help accepting what is happening to your relationship. Support groups can help you talk things through before you start to doubt yourself. There are people that have experienced the same thing and can help you. They can tell you how it affected them and learn what they did to cope. You can talk about anything because the group is there for you and everyone else. There is always someone that is experiencing the same thing that you are or they have in the past.
Do not feel as if it is your fault that the alcoholic does not want you. Yes, you may have changed, but you have to change when you live with an alcoholic. You are not any less lovable, it is the person that chooses to drink that makes the decisions and you cannot change his or her mind. Just because one person does not want you does not mean that you are any less the person you were when you first met. Alcohol affects a person’s way of thinking and usually it alters the way of thinking.
You can live together in a home without any contact if that is how you want to live. This is a horrible way to live especially if you are starved for love and affection. It is very possible to co-exist in one home and never have any contact with each other. If you want an alcoholic roommate, this is what you will have. There are not many people that can live like this and be happy. You will still have the aggravation associated with living with an alcoholic, but you just will not be able to help.
Try to talk to him or her when the time is right. See if there is any hope of establishing a new relationship. See if the person wants a relationship. Most alcoholics do not care for anyone but themselves. All they need is alcohol and maybe a place to sleep. They do not need a bed companion or a housekeeper. They really do not need anyone. You have to adjust or live with the feelings of loneliness. You have a hard decision to make if you stay in the relationship.
If you have kids, it makes it harder. You want the kids to have both parents, but if the parent that is drinking does not want to be a part of the kid’s life, they will suffer as well. Kids are impressionable and need stability with one or two parents rather than with one parent and one that does not want anything to do with them. You have to think about the kids and yourself. You have to know what is important to everyone.